The Newsdesk has breaking news about a first-hand account with the city’s most feared Krisser, Alcatraz. A NearSay writer was walking on Canal St. at approximately 6:12pm Thursday evening when the encounter occurred. The writer, who would prefer to remain anonymous, released this statement following the incident, “I really thought that my worst nightmare was coming true - that this is it. This is the day I have been dreading since I first moved to New York. I’m about to get Krissed. How will I recover? How will I afford the rehabilitation and counseling? What will I tell my friends about why I can no longer walk the streets alone? I was so, so horrified.”
However, luck was on the writer's side that fateful evening. Amongst the crowds of people, Brooklyn’s own Alcatraz quickly and stealthily maneuvered through the pedestrians. The writer was so frightened that she became immobile – practically a sitting duck. Alcatraz walked up to her, removed her headphones and began politely carrying on a conversation before continuing west on Canal. The writer was shocked. She was so thankful for her safety that she even considered indulging in some chicken nuggets with a side of sweet and sour sauce from the local McDonald’s. When Alcatraz was contacted about the incident, she stated, “I even took my headphones out! In your face Chaz and Chelz!” The NearSay Newsdesk is relieved that no employees were emotionally traumatized, and even celebrated with a Saluggi’s pizza party hosted by Robert Pattinson.
We are your number one source for all Traz related news, and will let you know as soon as another Krissing takes place. Remember to be safe out there and always be prepared – you can get Krissed anywhere and at anytime. Krissings do not discriminate.
Find out more information here on how to protect you and your loved ones from being Krissed.
Unless there is documented proof, I don't believe it. It's like the Chupacabra, or Bigfoot, or Nessie....until we have tangible evidence,call me skeptical.
ReplyDeleteThis could easily be hoaxed..until we can scientifically recreate this event, only then can we be sure. Traz may have just been readjusting her earphones at the PRECISE moment you were walking up. Her ruined 'zone' forced her to see you, and thus a Krissing was avoided.
Could you imagine being non-Krissed and then Krissed? Thinking you were safe from the unspeakable horror of sheer shunning only to be shunned even harder.
-Remake The Shining into The Shunning. Let's do it. Star RPatz (to protect everyone involved) ...make a billion.
*correction. traz meant to say "SUCK IT, chaz and chelz!" *vulgar gesture*
ReplyDeletePS - lindsay lohan's acting was superb in the parent trap